Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. ~Woody Allen Ah wish ah kud kwit yew. ~From, Brokeback Mountain (Carrot is hooked on phonics)
Carrot Can … offer an observation: If you believe your Sexual Orientation is ‘Bisexual’, then you are in sexual identity denial. You are living [sic] a lie. Wake up and smell the skid marks (Carrot stresses this is ONLY a metaphor), ‘bisexual’ boys and girls. You – are – GAY.
It is Carrot’s opinion that ‘bisexuality’ is not a sexual orientation using the same criteria defining homo- and hetero- sexuality. Carrot is unanimous (thank you, Mrs. Slocum wherever you are) in this. The query using ‘Nature’ or ‘Nurture’ has little if no relevance here. Carrot will attempt to explain our theory.
YOUR COMING OUT PARTY It was there long before you were born, deeply entrenched in a hostile world supported by a hostile society that you will all too soon become familiar. In this deceptive building where healing occurs and miracles are alleged to take place, lies your gateway to life outside of the womb. Don’t worry. You probably won’t remember any of this.
The Hospital and its endless Rules. What you may and may not do, when you can do this and when you can’t, what it will and will not do for you, information it will share and information it will withhold, who may visit and who may not — family yes, but family only. Hospital Rules are there to assist in your healing process, for the most part. But there is one Hospital Law that covertly conditions you, in reality it is conditioning those surrounding you since you are still just hours old: Your parents, older siblings, aunts and uncles, etc. They’ve all come to see the brand new you. They will repeat this ritual perhaps a dozen times during their lifetime. While seeing the ‘new addition to the family’ has become more of a party than a simple hospital visit, they are all being brilliantly but covertly conditioned. You too will succumb to this hidden phenomenon eventually. You may find your life ultimately fraught with grief and angst along with countless other individuals in the years to come.
The world, your new home, is not a place in which a newly sprouted human can easily thrive. The Hospital represents your first exposure to an unbending Rule dictating how the most basic essence of your existence will be managed: THE VISITATION RULE: “Family Members Only” (read: NO Same-Sex Partners/Spouses Allowed). Sorry, those are the rules.
The Hospital Rule is your representative introduction to a phenomenon that will contaminate your life beginning with your earliest childhood, your first days in nursery school, elementary school, via every family dinner and function, contamination through your playmates, your best mates you meet in school, your community, your state and national governments, the media in all forms, the church’s, temple’s, mosque’s, synagogue’s that you are, or will be, attending. The Phenomenon is pervasive, it is metastatic. It is a killer and it seeks out people just like you.
THOSE FORMIDABLE/FORMATIVE YEARS Rules. Laws. “This isn’t how we do things around here.” “You can’t do that and if you do, you will burn in the Hell our crazy god has prepared for you.” “Behave. Don’t cause trouble.” “Obey the Rules. Don’t break the Law.” Some Rules and Laws are, or have been, written in stone. Or now they could be stored within the Cloud — just for you.
The hospital. Your home. Your family and friends. The church with its gods and demons and Popes and Billy Grahams and Jerry Falwells and saints and angels. Local, state, national government. All have been the source of the Rule and the Laws prohibiting homosexual conduct, as you know it. However, Carrot cautions you that your world is going to become much, much larger. New concepts, precepts, intellectual intercepts. And oh, those biceps! But the Rule is constant; the Rule is unchanging. Continuity exists no where else but here, somewhere, all-when. The unchanging Rule and Law: the phenomenon. Tentacular and insidious, it has creeped into the smallest and most distant corners of your life over the years. And it’s still growing.
School enters your life, changing your perception of most of the things you’ve known as fact. You find similar, or in some cases, identical Rules you were literally born into. You also discover helpful instructions by well meaning people, “Stop! You can’t do that.” “Your mind will rot if you begin thinking that way.” “You don’t want people to talk do you? “You’ll be called a pervert.” “You won’t graduate and that’ll set you up for a lifetime of failures.” “Do you want to get thrown in jail?” “Stop! Don’t do that!” Carrot admires you if you’ve made it this far. Carrot would be but a puddle of juice by now. Unquestionably delicious, but a puddle nevertheless!
You miraculously survived the horrors and bliss of adolescence and early adulthood relatively unscathed. [Dude, did you ever think the locker room in high school would be so fuckin’ awesome!] The advanced degree and the career you sought, you hooked successfully in spite of years of Rule-breaking; swimming upstream, going against the flow, following the beat of a different drummer. At some point on this road trip rigged with emotional land mines, you realized that some ‘choices’ you made are just too hard to quit. They are, you learned, impossible to ignore.
You dated people of the opposite sex. Your plan is to marry one of them to “settle down”, to “nest”. Establish your careers, have kids, buy a big home. Lay a good foundation for a solid life. Mark your place on this insignificant speck of dust hurtling through space. You want to be a respected person; a leader, a pillar of the community. You MUST be a respected person regardless of the sacrifices … the risks be damned.
For years you’ve been in one same-sex sexual relationship after another. Why, one or two almost became more than that creepy-but-oh-so-damn-good-sex. You’d even entertained the thought, as fleeting as it was, that if the world were different you might marry… Nah, that’s bullshit to believe that’s even remotely possible, you say to yourself interrupting thoughts of what could be. You’re not like those people. At worst you’re bisexual. At best, you’re almost 100% straight, goddammit! YOU ARE NOT A FAGGOT! Oh, how many times have you said that? If Carrot may be so presumptive and answer for you, MANY TIMES.
Up to this point your risk was minimal. Your only possessions are some CD’s, a television, clothes, several pair of nice shoes, four old textbooks plus an even older Anne Rice novel and a new automobile that you can’t afford. Nothing much to lose, except five to twenty years of your life while doing time in the Big House for “Crimes Against Nature”, so you don’t think twice about the continued violation of the one Rule, the one Law that has haunted you since you first became aware of who you are as the Rules and Laws continue to mainline themselves to your soul attempting to convince you of something else entirely. I’m almost 100% straight…
LOOK AT YOU! ALL GROWN UP As you aggressively venture further into adulthood, you accept the fact the Rules that have followed you throughout your time on this planet are relentless. And you finally understand that you’ve been followed by these same Rules since before the first painful gasp for air was forced into you on your birth day in the hospital.
If you continue to do what you’ve been doing, you’ll forfeit any chance of having any happiness you tell yourself. Life will be difficult, in some instances it will be intolerable. You may choose to end it…even now at this late stage. And so commands one of the Rules, “Stop! DO NOT DO THAT!”
Of course it’s too late to stop. You’ve gone far beyond the point of no return. You’re way beyond school now. You’re married and are now entering that phase of your life where the real efforts of your labours are paying off. You’ve marked your territory. You’re married (to someone of the opposite sex of course), you’ve got three kids, a beautiful home, two quite lovely and quite expensive vehicles, a country club membership and a thriving medical practice. Your life is a success. You have most of everything you wanted and worked so hard to get. Sometimes with the good, the bad isn’t far behind.
DID CARROT MENTION THE YEAR IS 1955 The risk remains the same, it’s just that the stakes are higher in 1955. It’s still the ‘everything you own, everyone you know’ remains in jeopardy formula. You’ve ignored the Rules; you’ve broken the Law, both man’s Law and most likely the Law of your faith. You’ve not just thrown caution to the wind for years. When you first broke the Rules, you could have been imprisoned for what you’re still doing…if you were caught. In some places you would have been put to death. But this is the USA. That won’t happen here. (Little did you know that in less than a century earlier, being hanged for what you are doing was the law.) You’ve been careful, though. You gone to extraordinary lengths to avoid detection. For instance, you always drive to another city if you want some of the sweet stuff, your guilty pleasures. Thank god, the state line is only eighty-three miles away and the state capitol is just under a hundred in the opposite direction.You risked your freedom. Now, you simply risk losing everything you have: the relationship that you’ve been in for close to fifteen years. You risk being ostracized by not only your mate but your children as well. The medical practice you’ve worked so hard to establish could implode overnight. Your standing in the community, your city council seat, your friends, the relationships of all who know you that you have so carefully and meticulously cultivated could instantly vanish.
You’ve felt like an addict for a long time. You can’t shake it. You’ve tried repeatedly to quit but the urge is too strong, unrelenting and overpowering. It’s much larger than you. This compulsion, this urge is more important that the sum of your ‘other’ existence. Your condition is terminal. It has metastasized to every cell of your body. You may be addicted, you may believe you’re terminal, but it feels good; it feels right. At least you admit you’ve got a problem and it’s a problem that can’t be cured.
You have never done the hard stuff, but this feels like the high you’d get from riding the Horse. It’s become more than just a sex thing. It’s freedom. It’s liberating. It’s total abandonment. It just feels so damn good. So good that you have risked everything…your current life and all that preceded it. You’re beginning to understand that nothing is more important than breaking the Rules. Well, this Rule. Absolutely nothing. Family. God. Friends. Profession. Reputation. Every aspect of your life is secondary to what you’re doing. This is acceptable. This is good and it is right.
TOUGH LUV Enough is enough. It’s time to look at things as they truly are. You’ve been a rebel since your first day on earth. Remember the hospital? Your first exposure to an unreasonable society surrounded you; although you weren’t aware of it, the wagons were already circled somewhere deep in your subconscious and ready for the attacks.
The Gay or Lesbian patient was not allowed visitation by her or his same-sex partner/spouse. “Family Only”… no exceptions. This has been the universal rule for ALL hospitals for generations. On your birthing day it was as ubiquitous then as it is today. The hospital is most people’s first experience with an endlessly invasive and hostile society regarding homosexuals. From that day forward you will be challenged at every turn in your life. At one point in time, being homosexual was being a sexual deviant, an aberration, an illness, a perversion and faith-based definitions included the word abomination. City, state and federal laws lapped these terms up and used them to create laws — some very severe — to ‘contain’ these criminals, the perverts, the queers, fags, dykes, homo’s, etc. The media was no less cruel. Every single aspect of mainstream society, until relatively recently, campaigned harshly, cruelly and sadistically against those who self-identified as homosexual. Beatings, murders (Fag Bashing) went unnoticed, totally ignored by the media as well as the police. The only good press was a dead or dying queer.
Carrot is compelled to ask, You believe you are “bisexual”? You think you have a choice between being straight and being Gay, right? You’ve said, only to yourself of course, that you are NOT Gay. You’re not a queer. You are a bisexual! You insist that by being ‘bi’, you have the best of both worlds: Sex with men, Sex with women. That’s bisexuality. It’s YOUR choice. As a matter of fact, you’ve spent your entire sexual life with this choice — regardless of risk or danger.
SERIOUSLY? You think after an entire lifetime of battling the overwhelming need, the relentless urge to be with another person of your gender is a choice? You believe that risking your immortal soul, losing your family, being rejected by your friends, risking your profession, losing your home and many of the things you’ve worked years to get…all at risk because you simply “chose” to be with a person the same sex as you. A “choice”? Seriously?
Carrot doesn’t believe this is, or ever has been, a choice. ‘Bisexuality’ is a nice way of stating that one is Gay, but is much too uncomfortable (frightened?) with being on the DL or In The Closet. Not to appear crude, Carrot believes the banality of this sexual charade is underwhelming.
Carrot is aware that one may choose to engage in sex with one of either gender. In fact, it’s done virtually every moment on any given day. It’s often referred to as ‘opportunistic sex’, as one will find within a severely contained environment such as a prison. But as a sexual orientation, Carrot finds fault with any theory indicating such.
Carrot maintains one is heterosexual or homosexual or asexual or celibate. Carrot points out that throughout this impeccably discerning essay, not once was the word “love” used. It appears to Carrot that ‘bisexuality’ and ‘love’ are, for the most part, mutually exclusive. Muddying the waters would only muddy them more, Tidbit.
Carrot will remind you that Carrot is never wrong and is unanimous in this regard (Thank you Mrs. Slocum wherever you are). It is noted the subject of this article is a ‘hot potato’ issue and Carrot’s Opinion may not be popular. Remember, Carrot is a root vegetable. The slightest whisper of controversy surrounding Carrot gives cause for Carrots greens to shimmy and shudder in pure delight.
Carrot has made an Observation about an interesting facet of human nature. Carrot welcomes your Viewpoint..
- Report Says Bi Guys Exist (queerlandia.com)
- How Do I know if I’m Lesbian or Bisexual? (lesbiandating.net)
- For the Budding Bisexual (kdaddy23.wordpress.com)
- The Invisible Bisexual Man (salon.com)
- He Sexed Me While Sexing His Wifey (insidejamarifox.com)
- Scientific U-Turn: Male Bisexuality Is Real (livescience.com)